Here’s some of the feedback I’ve received from my lovely clients, during my time as a fitness instructor. I’m also happy to report that I’ve learned a colourful array of new swearwords from the names y’all call me when I say the word “burpees” to you. Yeah you hate me but you STILL TURN UP FOR A BEASTING EVERY WEEK THOUGH, DON’T YA?!

“I had to get help putting my jacket on for FOUR DAYS after your boxing class last week! – Esme

“I hate you” – Most people

“If you make us do that again, I’ll kill you” – Charlie

“YOU MADE ME SO STRONG I SNAPPED A KEY IN A PADLOCK! I broke metal!… It was probably quite weak already though. Also, now my lock is broken.” – Simon

“what FRESH HELL was that exercise all about?!!!” – Charlie

“I had sweat drip into my mouth at one point. I. Ate. My. Own. Sweat. That’s actually inhumane.” – Trinni

“I can characterise your classes by the following: burpees, inappropriate thrusting and squats. That’s it. 8/10, room for improvement” – Imogen (after several G&Ts)

“I cannot believe I’m going to tell you this but I got stuck on the loo after all those squats in your class the other day…I thought I was going to have to sit there for the rest of the week!” – Anon #1

“I had to use the wall to lower myself onto the loo yesterday. TWO DAYS after your class. What did you do to me?!” – Anon #2

“I got stuck sitting on the toilet and couldn’t get up because of your class!” – Anon #3

(and some of you even take the time to send me messages to let me know how you’re feeling. Obviously, I respond with nothing but sympathy.)

Always wanted to experience what it’s like to be a jellyfish? I’m here to help!

And then there’s this one – nothing like administering a bit of medieval torture to brighten up your average lunchtime bootcamp, ay?

You’re welcome. You’re so very welcome.

Thankfully, some of you can find it in your heart to be nice! Here are some of my fab reviews from MoveGB!

Click here to book into one of my classes in Bristol if you want to get stuck on the loo, hurt for the next four days, or channel your hate towards a really annoying woman who won’t stop smiling (me).

You know you love it really!