One year is a lot of days

On my 29th birthday last year, Project Hot B*tch officially began with a sad little run and a good dollop of soul searching. I felt pretty shit about myself on that day, but I was determined to do… something. I hadn’t worked out what yet. That run was the start.

Well guess what? I just turned 30! That means one whole year since this journey began, and probably the right time to do a little thinking about what on earth has happened over these past 365 days.

I guess the most noticeable difference between the start and now, is that I was completely dreading turning 30 a year ago. I didn’t have the partner, the children, the mortgage or the job I thought I “should have” by 29, and I was pretty certain I wasn’t going to acquire all of that in a year. I felt like I might die of shame at reaching 30 without any of those things. Honestly? I felt like a failure.

A year on, I find myself with the same job, no partner, baby or mortgage…and I don’t give a flying f*ck. I was excited about turning 30- and I actually feel quite liberated by this new decade ahead of me with a lack of any real convention surrounding it.

I think that’s because a year ago, I was basing my worth, my happiness and my success on external things, and things that were out of my control. This year, on the dawn of my 30s, I realise that my happiness and success in the next decade and beyond comes from what’s in me, radiating outwards.

Looking after my health and fitness more in this past year has made that stuff radiating out of me, good stuff. Good stuff like happiness, confidence, self-worth, fun, peace and acceptance. I’m not fighting the path I’m heading down any more, because I feel like I “should be” on a different path “at my age”.

Instead, I am having a nice, relaxing stroll down this little life path, looking around and appreciating the wonder of it. I’m on this path whether I like it or not, and so I have decided to stop worrying so much and just be on it. I’m interested to see where it leads, instead of trying to push it in a certain direction like I was a year ago. And if it just leads to more path, then that’s cool. I like this path. It’s my path.

Going to all of these classes in the past year has absolutely been the catalyst to the feelings I’m harping on about. Getting out there and just throwing myself into new situations has led to me being surrounded with things I enjoy, feelings that nourish me, and people who inspire me. I didn’t expect any of that when I started. I just thought I was going to tone up a bit. I couldn’t have predicted it, but the holistic change a bit of exercise has had on me as a person has been absolutely wonderful.

To celebrate 29, I went to work, went home, had a cry, had a jog, had a cycle and ate a pizza. I felt like crap. Turning 30 was glorious. I felt glorious. To celebrate, I did this:

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Got up at 5.30am to watch the Sunrise from the Heron Tower

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Went for a sunrise jog and smiled like a crazy along the Thames.

Went to yoga. Smiled more.

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Went for posh brunch with one of my best pals. Ordered one of everything.

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Went to get a tattoo that I’d decided to get whilst at yoga that morning.

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Now proud owner of tattooed left foot.

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Went to the theatre. Introduced to the concept of a “F*ck Frog”. Amazing.

Got home and found my first grey hair. Laughed a lot at what a timely day it was to find it.

29 made me worry. 30 has put it all into perspective.

How far are you in your journey? Can you relate to the above? Whatever stage of your own personal Project Hot B*tch journey you’re at, even if it’s day 1, then keep going! Life tomorrow is about to get even better than today, I promise.

8 Comments on “One year is a lot of days

  1. Oh my god I love this post. I love you and everything you’re doing with Project HB. Thank you THANK YOU for taking your internal journey and putting it out there. You are a legend.

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    • Thanks E! Really glad you liked it. And thank you for being the most excellent of tattoo companions :D xx

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  2. Ah that’s lovely, great post! I turn 30 in 23 days time- can’t bloody wait! It’s gonna be the best year ever :-)

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  3. Lovely post. I’m 30 this year too, and feeling very zen about it (at 29 I cried too!). The hilarious thing is, in the next few months before I turn 30, I have my first marathon and tattoo planned as well! (and tickets to Book of Morman)! Happy birthday, and congratulations on all that you have achieved xx

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    • I think we are on a pretty similar 30 shaped path! :) zen is a good way to describe it, definitely. Huge luck for the marathon and be brave in the tattoo parlour!!

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  4. I am turning 30 in a month and this blog post just rings so true with me. I’m definetely not where I thought I would be (boyfriend left me 3 weeks ago, no home, no kids etc) but you have inspired me to start focusing on myself. Can’t wait to get out and try some new things and feel like a ‘hot bitch’ for my birthday!!!

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    • Hey Stephanie! It feels so awesome when women like yourself read my ramblings and feel inspired to really start putting themselves first and finding happiness even when things don’t go as “they’re meant to at our age” pah! What a load of tosh. I’ve just turned 31 and I promise you, 30 was so liberating and brilliant- I’m excited for your year ahead! Xxx

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