Project Poorly B*tch!

A little note to Hot B*tches everywhere to say a huge sorry for the lack of sweat, physical activity and bouncy, motivational happiness of late. If you follow Project HB on Facebook or Twitter, then you have probably heard (and are possibly sick of hearing) that I have been poorly for 2 months.

The offender? THIS horrible illness! In China they call it the 100 day cough. That’s THREE FLIPPIN’ MONTHS!!! Damn these bacteria. Anyway- some questions I have been asked, and some facts to set you straight!

1) No I’m not contagious anymore

2) Yes adults can get it as well as babies. The immunisation you get as a child wears off by the age of 12.

3) Yes I caught it by KISSING. Ew. The boy works away and brought it back as a little welcome home gift (although he didn’t realise it at the time. Lesson to self: SPEND MORE TIME WORKING OUT AND LESS TIME KISSING).

4) It can sit, festering in your body for a few weeks, before making itself known. By the time I lost my voice in May and realised something was up, I had been carrying around my new friend Mr. Whoopy-Cough for a few weeks. Ew.

5) It left me feeling hideous for a month, and then in bed for almost a whole month after that. I’m the most annoying person in the world to be around because every sentence I try to utter is punctuated by an ear piercing coughing fit. It hurts to breathe (which is irritating, breathing being essential and all). I’ve coughed so hard on occasion I’ve almost pissed my pants, and then sat frantically doing cough-punctuated kegels. At least once a day I’ve coughed so much, I’ve ended up wretching and then vomming up anything I’ve eaten, which has been just lovely. I’ve ended up tired, with an inflamed ribcage, feeling demotivated, lethargic… and wearing one of these sexy undergarments just to make me feel really special. (In all seriousness though, this support is my FAVOURITE thing in the world right now!)

6) My doctor was particularly shit to begin with, as was the hospital. The fourth time I visited the doctor, I sob-coughed and begged for some sort of medication, which she agreed to just to get me out of the surgery. Unsurprisingly, she also sounded very sheepish when she eventually called me with positive test results (that I demanded they take after diagnosing myself on google). Oh crappy, crappy London GPs.

7) The sudden switch from “6-days-a-week-jump-out-of-bed-HURRY-UP-GET-UP-YAAAAY-enjoy-the-sunshine-and-exercise!!” to coughing, grumpy, tired, sore, ill, crying, bedridden mess left me feeling pretty low for at least 6 weeks. Don’t underestimate endorphins- them’s powerful little things!

Aaaaaanyway, whooping cough lasts for around 12 weeks, so July ’14 will be a month of gentle recovery before Project HB is back on it in August. Now you’ve let me moan about this stupid illness on a public platform (and if you got this far you really are desperate for something to read) I guess I just wanted to say a HUGE sorry for no posts, no happiness and no fun recently. I may not be up and running, but the blog still very much is!

So, when should you expect the next class review?! Well, I still can’t really attend classes at the moment, so not quite yet! However, I’ve read a lot of articles whilst I’ve been unwell, about how to get back into exercise after a break that’s been caused by an injury or illness.

A lot I’ve found on the web relating to this has avoided addressing the mental crap that’s going on when you’re in this situation though. I’ve found that a shame because it’s something I have particularly struggled with, and would have loved more advice on. Most articles do a good job on offering advice for physical health and rehabilitation; but tend not to explore how you start to feel after weeks of sitting on your arse feeling bulky, unfit, bored, frustrated and sad.

thought it might be interesting to chart my re-entry into fitness, and hopefully it will serve as some sort of non-scientific but altogether rather genuine resource for those of you who face an illness or injury in the future. Fact is, it’s very likely to happen to all of us at some point. Yes you will probably feel like crap. And yes it will probably be as mentally debilitating as it is physically. I’d like to explore that a bit with some posts over the next few weeks. 

Whooping cough is a relatively serious illness (allow me to enjoy the drama, just this once) but good news I am absolutely on the mend. And the even better news- I’m starting to wake up with some motivation and excitement about life again. It’s actually got to the point where I wake up now and think “GYM!!” and then have to restrain myself because my body is absolutely not ready for such crazy shenannigans yet. That’s been REALLY hard, having to recognise that I mustn’t push it.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m ready for bed by 6pm, and my exercise regime currently consists of power walks and yoga in the living room that leaves me in need of a nap, but all things considered, I’m feeling happy again. And that’s something I’m really…. well, happy about!

A thanks goes out to my lovely school friends who let me have a good old self-indulgent cry a few weekends back, colleagues who bought me goodies from an alleged Adonis at the health food shop, my mum and dad who have phoned me every day for a month even if it’s just been to watch the tv together over the phone. Nawwww you guys! And a HUGE thank you to my caring, peanut butter brownie supplying, chicken soup making housemate. He even managed to just about hide his disgust when I stubbornly emptied the dishwasher at the height of my illness, and sprayed my cough all over every clean plate. You’ve been a gem- thanks Jeezy :)

3 Comments on “Project Poorly B*tch!

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