BLOG: Witness The (Very Average and Achievable) Fitness

Let me start by saying that last week, the heaviest weight I lifted was my TV remote. But as a fitness blogger, I do manage to motivate my ass to class pretty often, and I reckon you can too.

Time to share my top tips on how to start and maintain a fitness regime when you’re an average, work-harassed, cookie-loving adult.

Normal Fitness 1. You Are Your Own Lie Detector

Here’s my first question for you: Why are you bothering to get fit?

Go ahead, answer. Out loud and honestly.

Did your answer contain the word “should”? If it did, then what you’re basically saying is “I don’t want to, but external pressures make me feel obliged to”.

If you feel externally pressured to get fit then yeah you might still do it, but it’ll unlikely become something you carry on long term. And if you do surprise yourself and carry on, I reckon you’ll either resent it, hate yourself, or despise everyone involved. Maybe all three.

Before you take that first step to get fit, make sure there’s a good reason you want to start.

2. Ban “Fitness”

The idea of getting fit is usually enough to make a rational person run in the opposite direction.  “Fitness” makes me think of all of these negative things:

  1. Carrying round a heavy bag full of stinking clothes
  2. Savaging my hair with straightening irons twice a day
  3. Watching loads of beautiful, coordinated people in a mirror while I die and hate myself at the back
  4. Listening to people talk about protein shakes
  5. Replacing every meal with protein shakes

Try replacing the idea of getting fit with one of these sentences: “I want to get happier in my own skin” or “I want to feel good about myself” or “I want to get that sexy confident swagger back that I had when I was 20”.

Reframe your mindset. All of the above will get you gymming, but none will make you view fitness as a disgusting use of time.

3. Do it for Sweaty-Pants

The only way you are going to stick to a fitness regime is if you either a) buy a new wardrobe that doesn’t yet actually fit or b) find an activity you like.

I’m assuming you’re not stupid enough to spend money on clothes that don’t fit, so it’s time to find some fitness to suit you.

Don’t know what you like yet? Start by committing to try a bunch of new stuff. Not only will signing up for 20 different classes in your neighbourhood stimulate your technology-addled attention span, it’ll also mean you meet new people.

Maybe you’ll meet a friend who also hides at the back and seems to sweat more than everyone else, too. Perhaps you and New Friend will share a smile, awkwardly swap numbers, and arrange to see each other at the same time next week.

And you don’t want to be the sort of person to let ol’ Sweaty-Pants down now do you?

Exactly.

I’m not sure how we got here…. Anyway, look, just be open minded. When you find something you like, it won’t feel like keeping fit. It’ll feel like doing something fun! And that makes you feel good. This should be at the very core of any fitness regime.  Dare I say it, you might even enjoy yourself.

4. Guuuurl, You’re Cleverer Than That

I don’t know how else to say this other than… don’t be dumb. Apply moderation. If you deny yourself All The Treats for six months, then you’re going to be a miserable toad, and if you’re a normal human, a binge will follow. Get fit by all means, but don’t equate that to having no fun. Run in the park! Lift weights! Eat treats! Drink wine!

Essentially, don’t eat cake by the fistful and then bitch and moan about the size of your ass. Take responsibility for how often you move and what you shove in your mouth.

It really is possible to get fit while remaining a happy human. Cake goes in, sweat comes out, and a balanced, healthy gym bunny is born. Simple.

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